I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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