before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize