Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
