I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize