Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
