So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
