Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
