I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
