The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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