Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
