You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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