His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
