he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
