remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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