I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
