this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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