So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
