Midget sex pt 2 tonight
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
