Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
