ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
