There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
