Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
did you just send me my own nude
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
