When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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