Pappa wants mamma naked
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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