She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
