I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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