Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
