Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
