think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
