She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
