my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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