Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
