The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
