Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
