We need to rekindle our bromance
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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