Non-Jews are for practice
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
