Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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