Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
