it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
