They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
