Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
