She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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