your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
