He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
