we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
