the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
