I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize