All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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