Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
