ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize