Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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