i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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