Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
