is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
