your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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