you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
