And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
