u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
