Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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