BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His hands were made for my vagina.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
