He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
