i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
