The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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