i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
