I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
