We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
