She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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