how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
