Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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