i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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