i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
