She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
