so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
